Things are not going well. My life has taken a bad tum. I'm always nervous and I frequently overreact for stupid things. I can't go on this way: I'm jeopardizing my own existence and the one of my husband. 

I know I'm becoming impossible, we have a row almost every two days. He's tired of me, I know. How could he not be with a wife who mumbles and yell out every day?

Oue marriage is becoming deeply sick, I know I'm screwing up everything. I am so sorry, this is not the end I thought for us. We've been toghter for twelve years and I've always thought that wedding should be the right choise for us. I thought everything should go well: we have had our problems in the past, like every other couple in the word, and we always went over. But now I must realize that something has been lost. I feel guilty for how I'm damaging his life: he should be happy and live in peaceful but I suspect he's beginning to hate our living togheter.

Sometimes I hate it too and this is only my fault. I hate it not for itself but for what I'm doing against it. I hate it because I'm screwing it up. I should be by myself because in this very moment I'm unable to mantain human relationships. What can I do now? I recognise every responsability on myself and I take the blame. I know I am the only one who is destroying our happiness. I know he has no fault. What can I do now? I'm not able to resolve the problem, I'm not able to control my fury and I'm not able to avoid overreactions, although I perfectly understand when I'm crossing the bounds.

He's seriously wondering what to do and he admits that is life now is sad. I'm the main responsible of his sadness while I should do the exact opposite. I hate myself for I'm unable to live my life. We have had two difficult years, full of stress, and I've lived in an incredible state of uncertainty. Sometimes I have been really near to go crazy, but it did't happen. Now, anyway, the level of stress is decreased but the state of uncertainty has remained with us and for me this situation is probably too hard to be carried on. I'm not the kind of person who can face it and still keeep living normally. 

Sometimes I think I should die for my life has no sense and I feel useless. I should leave everything and stay by myself, at least for a period. Maybe I need some help, I don't know.

I take the blame but in my defence I must say that he doesn't understand my problems, at least frequently. For him, I probably am simply hysterical. He thinks I often act in a way that does contribute to damage myself and he thinks that I do it with a kind of satisfaction. This is quite wrong as I really would like to live in peace. And so I have always to justify myself and always to conclude that I am the only one who is wrong. Always.

I am so tired. And every day is worse than the precedent. I can't go on this way. My life is becoming intolerable and I'm afraid sometimes I may do something terrible to myself for I hate me every minute with much enphasis.